Culture

Stop using toilet paper you douche

Fifteen percent of global deforestation is due to toilet paper alone. Learn to douche to save money and the forests

Technique

Some things seem totally normal until our perspective changes. Our perspectives can change with new experiences or with new information - sometimes both. Like most people from wealthy, developed nations I grew up being taught to use toilet paper to wipe my ass. This seemed like the right thing to do even as I daily flushed what used to be forest down a sewage system channeling drinking water and nutrients away from land-based systems.

Over the last fifteen years I have been lucky enough to travel, often in less developed countries across Africa and Asia. Many of the places I have stayed are toilet paper free. Sometimes there is a hose by the loo, sometimes just a tap and a plastic jug. At first I found this stressful. Once I got the hang of it, I realised it worked great and I walked away feeling cleaner. A skilled technique removes all crap with a few well aimed sloshes of water. Obviously, washing our hands with soap afterwards keeps things hygienic. Striding off with zero clingons, feeling fresh and free I allowed myself to enjoy the warm glow of satisfaction knowing that no trees were harmed to enable my daily movement.

The challenge

This is not a minor point. The Natural Resource Defense Council in their report - Flushing Forests - estimates that fifteen percent of global deforestation is due to toilet paper production. Futurism reports that in the US alone -

Americans spend $6 billion on toilet paper every year, more than people in any other country in the world. Annually, it takes 1.7 trillion liters (437 billion gallons) of water, 253,000 tons of bleach, and 15 million trees to feed America’s toilet paper habit.

Solutions

If you want to: up your eco game; save money by not buying another plastic wrapped, disposable corporate product; save the forests and become a true Ecohustler - your mission is clear. Stop using toilet paper wherever alternatives exist.

At home, you may have a bath with a shower on a cord and you can clean yourself there. If you want to go professional buy yourself a “Toilet Bidet Shower” - they cost £20 on Amazon and are easy to fit - you will make this money back in a couple of months and in distant forests wild animals will sing and chirp with joy celebrating your clean and enlightened derriere.

Chopping down trees to wipe our bums is stupid. Forests are vital - they create the oxygen we breathe, draw carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere reversing climate change and they are habitat to many of the creatures we want to share our world with. We need more forests. Using water to clean our bottoms is more hygienic, it feels good and we give less of our hard-earned money to douchey corporations that will chop down anything to sell us shit we don’t need.

Change your perspective - save the forests - start your douching adventure today.

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